What am I feeling?

I deluded myself into thinking I was getting better...that I was finally getting the fatality of what happened out of my system. Until he randomly calls, and I hear his voice.....

Why does it still affect me? This is a voice I should hate. I have been counseled and repeatedly told that the relationship we had was never going to work but for me wasting away.

He comes back often to my thoughts. Sometimes with sadness, sometimes with anger and sometimes with acceptance. Like an echo in a bottomless pit, never meeting its destined end, he is forever falling into my subconscious.

I cling on the whispers of the past, as if they ever had a chance to be uttered in a song. Why can't I feel what others preach I should be feeling? Why can't I just be angry? Why can't I accept that this is my life now? Why can't I see that him and I, we were never a viable option?