You never know when it is the last time

My life changed on the night of the 26th of March 2022. On the 25th of March, when I went to sleep could I have guessed that the man who was beside me, my husband, the person whose face I saw every day and whose voice I heard every waking moment for the last 5 years, would be gone in a mere 24 hours? That in just one night away, the life which started to feel comfortable and predictable, the home which I decorated, and learned to yearn for at the end of day, would be shattered in a million little pieces, to be forever broken and forgotten.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have done anything differently that last night had I known. Would I have made him his favorite meal for the last time? Would I have been nicer? Would I have urged him to go for one more walk with the dog?

Do I want this last night back?